Are you resilient? Maybe you’re not quite sure. You may even wonder what being resilient means or how resilience presents itself. In this blog I will uncover a lot of what you may want to know about resilience.

By definition, resilience is the ability to recover “quickly” from difficulties and to cope with setbacks. For example, someone who unexpectedly loses their job, might be called resilient if they are able, despite their negative experience, to bounce back, try again and to not let their loss prevent them from moving forward.

A few weeks ago, on the day that the Edmonton Oilers were playing against the Florida Panthers in their sixth game, I was invited by CBC Radio to comment on resilience.

In the world of sports, a team may be described as resilient if the members are seen as recovering quickly from their setback or disappointment and still putting their best foot – or in their case – skate forward, as was seen by the Edmonton Oilers as they went on to tie with the Panthers, just before entering the final game in Florida, in their attempt to win the Stanley Cup.

In an online CBC article after their loss, when the team’s captain Connor McDavid was asked what he will remember the most, he responded with “just the resilience of the group.”

So, how does one build resilience?

In the case of an individual, some people are naturally more resilient, with personality traits that help them remain hopeful, and solution focussed in the face of challenges.

But mental health, and the environment in which you were raised, living in or part of, can also help or hinder your level of resilience. For example, if children are raised in a supportive environment, where they are bolstered up in times of trouble, they are more likely to be resilient.

When a child hears a parent say encouraging and positive things to themselves when persevering, despite not being successful at first, they learn and practice what is being modeled to them.

How a child is spoken to when they are less successful may impact them too. So, if, for example, a child hears “I can see that you’re disappointed, but I’m confident that if you keep trying, you will see greater success,” they are more likely to continue persisting and become more resilient.

Similarly, when team members are supported and encouraged to develop strong coping skills and to regulate their emotions, they are more likely to show resilience as a team. For example, George Mumford who is the sports psychologist and mental skill coach for the Oilers, likely played a role in helping the Oiler’s team members to maintain a positive attitude and not to dwell on disappointment for too long.

But if you weren’t raised in a household with a cheerleader or two, or if you feel that you’re lacking in resilience, is it too late to develop it?

Absolutely not. It’s never too late.

If you’re not sure how resilient you are, you can go online and complete the Brief Resilience Scale quiz at https://mcwell.nd.edu/assets/400953/brs.pdf.

There you will find six statements such as:

“I tend to bounce back quickly after hard times” and

“I tend to take a long time to get over setbacks in my life”

You will be asked to rate the statements from strongly disagree to strongly agree on a scale from 1 to 5. You then add the numbers to determine your score and your level of resiliency from low to normal to high.

So, what are the characteristics seen in resilient people?

• Resilient people have strong coping skills. Again, if children have been raised to explore solutions and to learn that if they fail, there are other options on the road to greater success, they will likely develop better coping skills. People with good coping skills tend to remain grounded, to explore the situation logically and to not catastrophize
• Resilient people are often more willing to ask for help when they need it, knowing that getting help from others is not a sign of failure and can help them in the long run
• Resilient people often share the mentality that they can get through whatever they are facing. They have a survivor, rather than a victim, mentality
• Resilient people often have the ability to manage their emotions in the face of stress. This doesn’t mean that resilient people don’t experience strong emotions. It means that they recognize these feelings as temporary and manageable until they pass. They are also able to regulate their emotions
• Resilient people are often kind to themselves and show self compassion. They don’t beat themselves up when things don’t go exactly as planned and expect that there will be peaks and valleys throughout life

What now?

Now that you’ve read about some of the traits shown by resilient people, and completed the quiz, you can determine how much work, if any, will need to go into developing new skills so that you may become more resilient. Therapy is an option, especially if your therapist is familiar with DBT (Dialectical Behaviour Therapy) or CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) which helps to regulate emotions and to change thoughts that affect mood.

Why work at becoming more resilient?

From a philosophical perspective, things don’t always turn out the way that one hopes, and one will not achieve success in everything they do, so if you don’t develop skills to cope with loss, change, adversity and disappointment, and if you’re unable to bounce back after a period of time, then this may impede your ability to move forward and to live your best life.